Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
