You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize