You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
