Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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