Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
