i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
