Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
