I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
