dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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