Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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