Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
