The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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