Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
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At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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