The best revenge is premature balding
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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