wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
