you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
