weddingsv make me drug and hornr
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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