Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
