im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
