you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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