I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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