Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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