he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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