who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
