Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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