OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
