They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
