break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
