You really coming over, don't trick.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
