Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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