I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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