is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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