Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
