The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
