I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
