well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
