Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
