CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
