omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
