How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
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btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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