Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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