Just took my morning after pill in the library
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
