I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
