I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize