It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
