How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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