i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
