oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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