if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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