twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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