I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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