Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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