Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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