I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
