textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
