i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize