What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
