great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
