Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
