People in love make me want to vomit
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
