One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
