i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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